An Important self reflective exercise...

It's been a long time since I have posted to my blog. The year has flown by. In this post I outlined a few goals that I wanted to work on this year and have listed them again below:

• Complete two bags that I began earlier in the year. Machine embroidered, hand beaded.
• Complete a pastel drawing of a scene from my time in Norway.
• Carve and make lino cuts of the bottle tree design I created a while back.
• Work this design into a major piece of textile art.
• Begin work on a long planned wearable art outfit.

I am happy to say that although I have not posted to the blog I have been busy working on some of these goals. The list below will tell you where I have arrived:

• Two bags completed and sent to their new owners
• drawing still sitting on the easel :((
• Lino cut carved and printed
• Bottle tree textile art still in the think tank (my brain)
• Wearable art - almost complete!

I cannot show photos of the wearable art as I have plans to exhibit it and once that has happened I will post photos. Making this piece has been a valuable learning experience.

What have I learned?

1. That I can do it. I can design a major piece of art work, experiment until I find a way to produce it, document the process, make samples and (almost) complete it.
2. I have learnt that an enormous amount of time is taken to undertake a project of this type. I thought I had allowed enough time to make it over my university holidays from December to the end of February. I didn't. Well, may be I did but I tended to procrastinate at vital times and this held things up.
3. On reflection... why did I procrastinate? What held things up? What can I learn that will prevent this from happening again? I can answer the first question in one word - FEAR! Further reflection makes me discover what it was that I was fearing. It is both failure and success. I feared that I would fail by not completing the project and having it always sitting there and taunting me. I feared that I would complete it and think that it was good work and then later feeling that it wasn't. I feared that I would exhibit it and then be embarrassed about it - feeling that it wasn't good enough which has the spiralling effect of thinking that I wasn't good enough! I held things up by just not going into the studio or for only tiny amounts of time although I did try. I found that I was frozen by that fear and not able to sit at the machine. How to over come it? I hope that now that I have done it once I will be able to do it again. I have streamlined my planning and have made very careful notes on how long it took to make individual parts of the project and will keep those as a record for future pieces.
4. I learnt that making art can be the most exhilirating and debilitating process that you can undertake!!!
5. I rediscovered that I love to sew and love to sew clothing and to design outfits. There is now even a 'tickling' feeling inside me that tells me that maybe one day soon I would like to sew for myself again.
6. I have found that I can make art and successfully continue my university study by careful use of my time and being focussed.
7. Most importantly, I found out just how happy it makes me feel to create, design, make art and that I cannot be me without doing that.

I will continue to work on this project and will complete it very soon. Then - I can begin work on a new idea!